Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
