for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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