So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Randomize
