You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
