She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
