You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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