It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
worst night to have a conscience
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
