Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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