I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
