these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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