the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
