I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
