Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
