I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
