Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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