I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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