thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
