just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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