If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
