Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
