So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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