Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
