I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dignity is for republicans.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
