If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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