it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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