you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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