I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
