there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
