I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
