no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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