Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
