Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
