I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
