I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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