I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
