As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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