my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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