If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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