Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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