My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
