What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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