garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
