I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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