I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
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judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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