So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
