And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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