I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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