I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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