just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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