my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
