I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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