Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
