he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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