We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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