just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
