Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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