dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
