There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
