What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
