Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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