I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
