if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
