Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
babies were throwing up all over the place
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Be still, my beating vagina.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
