my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
