Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
