You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
