Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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