Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
