never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
