Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize