I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
PANTIES FOUND
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
