me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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