so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
